The Beach Boys – “Here Comes The Night” b/w “Baby Blue” (CRB 12-7204) (1979)

Housed in a cute Rene Magritte-aping sleeve, featuring one of Dennis Wilson’s touching final prehumous* recordings on the b-side and pressed on luminous blue vinyl, “Here Comes the Night” was, nonetheless, an inauspicious end to a decade that saw the Beach Boys plumb the very depths of competence. I’d never heard it before, so was happy to part with a pound at the Etchinghill bootfair last Saturday for the pleasure, but truth be told, this sounds more like a Stars On 45 cover of the Beach Boys than a tune by the actual band. There’s a reason for this.

Drafted in when Brian proved un-up to the task of producing (despite a new CBS contract obliging him to do just that), once and future Boy Bruce Johnston sprinkled a lil’ disco fairy dust on a twelve year-old Wild Honey track in much the same way he did with the Chantays’ instrumental “Pipeline” two years previously. The original “Here Comes the Night” represents one of the closest things the band produced to an R&B track, hence, I suppose, its nomination for a dance update. Alas, despite a high energy content and fluid bass part, the song is tedium itself, the familiar thump/strings/sheen of disco provided by an array of session musicians. Now, session musicians had featured on some of the band’s best music, but never had they sounded so faceless. The single edit on the b-side makes a little more sense as a song than the 11 minute version, where verses, choruses, backing “oooo’s” come in and out in the most disembodied, arbitrary fashion. And let us be honest, this is not on the funky end of the disco spectrum.

But the similar vintage Four Seasons had managed a few disco hits. The Bee Gees transformed themselves likewise, so why not the Beach Boys? Perhaps because the Four Seasons and Bee Gees were simple vehicles for pop songs, while Brian Wilson & co. were, despite a calculated banality, not so simple; a band identified with, and weighted down by, an ethos/myth that couldn’t accommodate disco glitz. And having capitulated to travelling an oldies route following the enormous popularity of the Endless Summer and Spirit of America compilations, booty shaking in the direction of the Hustle was confusing to say the least. Certainly, this awkwardness, this uneasiness is more than apparent on a contemporary TV appearance, all beardy and dad-dancing, promoting the single (and note Dennis relegated to a ride cymbal!). Trouble was, at least commercially, the disco backlash had already begun in earnest, especially among the classic rock supporters constituting 98.6% of the BBs’ fan base, and fairly sharpish, this late-in-the-day, smacks-of-desperation misfire was dropped from their live set list.

So, Last Gasp for Beach Boy Radio Relevance or once again proof that anything can Go Disco? Answer: Yes.

*as opposed to, uh, posthumous.

Donna Summer

Donna Summer. RIP.

Tricky – Ponderosa 12″ (12BRW 299 DJ) (1994)

And what of the late-lamented Trip Hop?  To a man (or woman), I think you’d find that each nominal participant dismisses the term out-of-hand.  Unlike Punk, Hip Hop, Rock ‘n’ Roll and Funk performers, all of whom name-check their sub-genre (usually followed by “…will never die!”), Trip Hoppers seem embarrassed by the designation. Maybe it’s because the term was a media imposition, rather than an organic, scene-created slang.  Maybe it’s due to the fact that the performers were largely low-key, skunk-addled, insular types, not given to label foisting or co-operation. Perhaps the style is too ill-defined to constitute a genre.

Anyway, get ready for the Trip Hop revival set for April 2014.

Meanwhile, here’s a Whitstable-thrifted “pre-release, promotional advance copy” of Tricky Kid’s loping, rolling second single. Kook merchant Martina Topley-Bird is the main vocalist inna Mockney Sparra stylee à la Lily Allen, with TK mumbling like a ranting tramp in a doorway, occasionally doubling T-B’s lead. As a woozy groove, it’s not too bad, though hardly singles (or club) material one would have thought and I’ve no idea what the song is about apart from its vague air of menace and paranoia. And “smok[ing] till…senseless”.

Note on Tricky’s press release, Peady’s phrase “totally unique”. Yes, I know promo material is not usually any kind of repository for grammatical correctness, but please, let us never try to intensify a superlative again. Unless we’re trying to be funny.

Tom Tom Club – “Wordy Rappinghood” b/w “Elephant” (12WIP 6694) (1981)

Ask the Cats Protection League in Hythe and ye shall receive (in exchange for a pound).

JKD Band – “Dragon Power – A Tribute to Bruce Lee” 12″ (1978)

Synthesiser-led Hi-NRG disco twaddle occasionally punctuated by shrieks and murmurs attributed to Bruce Lee, this is a “tribute” in only the most southpaw of ways to the man patronisingly labelled a “teenage punk, martial arts superstar, colossal egoist, Hollywood screen idol and philosopher extraordinary (sic)” in correspondingly ridiculous liner notes. I was expecting such silliness but naïvely hoped for better when I bought “Dragon Power” this morning from Bernardos in Hythe.

Blaktwang – “Kik Off” 12″ (MAGICT23) (2002)

When I lived in Bristol during the dying days of the last century, Banksy art was all around. I was spoiled and, not knowing he was unique, assumed every British city had its own anarcho-daubist. Now you can buy reproductions of his work at TK Maxx and charity shops and the once-provocative style has itself been co-opted by everyone from insurance companies to children’s yoghurt. I’m sure the irony is not lost on the man.

In the meantime, Banksy designs have graced some three score album/singles covers, with most utilising extant images and many unauthorised. While the image used by Blaktwang on his “Kik Off” 12″ is genuine and bespoke, it hits nowhere near as hard much of his work being a fairly standard gansta conceit slightly amped-up with a Molotov cocktail.

The music is a good, stuttering anticipation of wooziness later perfected by Flying Lotus,  et al. Blak’s flow resembles Mos Def and Ty, if not quite so nimble. As for the content, well, someone should tell these so-called rappers that potty mouth bragging is a sign of insecurity and doesn’t really impress anyone.

Tom Tom Club/Mr. Yellow – “Genius of Love” b/w “Yella” (12WIP 6735) (1982)

Charming, much-sampled, hook-filled, proto-rap in its long form from Talking Heads offshoot/loose Compass Point studio aggregation, which I’ve been hopin’ to find for some time, turned up cheap this morn at a very crowded Ashford Boot fair. “Yella”, the B-side credited to Mr. Yellow, is a worthy remix of the A and includes toasting to the effect that, “You’ve got to have a strong heart to live in New York…” Which is true enough.

Wouldn’t mind having the “Wordy Rappinghood” twelve and the debut Lp while I’m about it. And maybe the extended version of “Man With the Four Way Hips” from the second album. That’s enough Tom Tom Club.

– Prince Asbo

Jay-Z – “99 Problems” b/w “Dirt Off Your Shoulder” (Roc-a-Fella 9862393) (2003)

A few years ago, a friend from LA sent a CD-R of mashups including an (as it turns out) illicit DJ TimG remix of “99 Problems” which cleverly utilised Jimi Hendrix’s “Voodoo Chile” as the rhythm track–it was, indeed, a bangin’ mix and, having dismissed Jay-Z previously, my head was turned. When I eventually heard the popular released version on Radio 1 of this humorous catalogue of disasters faced by today’s African-American, not only were the swears very awkwardly and pointlessly erased (I mean, everyone still says the cuss words in their heads, right?), but the riddim was quite different. Yes, the version on this 50p charity shop twelve features a hard rock guitar, but it was Billy Squire’s (I think), not the funky Hendrix one and simply ain’t as good.

As mentioned previously, I don’t have much post-1999 hip hop, but this still gets played by me and the boys when anyone who might be easily offended is out of the house.

Dennis Brown/Prince Mohamed – “Money In My Pocket” b/w “Runnings Irie” (LV 5) (1979)

AREA MAN TRIES MARIJUANA, STILL DOESN’T GET APPEAL OF REGGAE

Man Doesn’t Know It, Feel It

(Canterbury, Kent) – Upper Hardres resident Garret Smalls listened to reggae music properly for the first time last night and has decided that he simply doesn’t enjoy the popular Jamaican music genre.

Eric Weiss, a reggae enthusiast friend of Smalls’, invited the twenty five-year-old graphic designer to his Canterbury flat to smoke some pot and listen to a variety of reggae styles including roots, DJ, early Dancehall and ragga.

While Weiss did a live mix on two decks of some of his current favourites, including 7″’s by Brigadier Jerry (“Every Man A Me Bredren”), Vivian Jackson (“Conquering Lion”), Big Youth (“Dubble Attack”), Luciano, Josie Wales & Charlie Chaplin (“Rebel With a Cause”), along with the first side of the Blood & Fire issue of the Congos’ The Heart of the Congos, Smalls happily pulled on a marijuana-packed ceramic water pipe with the caricature of a skull at its base.

“I thought I’d be more likely to ‘get’ reggae if I had a little buzz on,” Smalls explained, lighting Jah-Jah chalice to bun a lickle lamb’s bread.

Weiss was particularly hopeful about “converting” Smalls with the Crowned Prince of Reggae Dennis Brown’s “Money In My Pocket” 12″ single he recently picked up at a thrift store in Deal. “Yeah, the Dennis twelve is a massive Joe Gibbs [production] on the same riddim as ‘Mama Look’ by Big Youth,” said Weiss. “It shouldn’t scare any broad-minded listener, [as a] late 70s single…it’s pretty smooth, while at the same time it’s not too obvious, like ‘Jammin” or something.”

Despite this, Smalls remained unmoved, not calling out “Forward!”, “Big up m’ selecta!”, “Rewind!” or “Pu-u-u-ll Up!” at any point during the 8 minutes the record played, including the righteous Prince Mohamed “Cool Runnings” toast over the extended section or its electronically enhanced Mighty Two (Gibbs and Erroll Thompson) version on the b-side, “Runnings Irie”. A 1979 top 20 UK hit, the single is not particularly rare in Great Britain, its 50p price tag an accurate reflection of its market value.

On hearing Cocoa Tea’s absolutely banging “Burn Satan”, Smalls ventured that he was “a little uncomfortable with some of [reggae music's] fundamentalist religious aspects”.

“Maybe it’s because I was born and raised in a small village in Kent, but I have a really hard time translating the patois and the accents are well thick,” Small announced following several more wicked chunes and bong hits, also reporting that, ultimately, “the whole thing [Reggae] was a bit too ‘samey’” for him.

“I guess I don’t know it, since I can’t feel it,” he added matter-of-factly.

Smalls did note, however, that the pot was really great and will continue to do more of that in the future while listening to the This Is Dubstep 2012 he downloaded the day before yesterday.

The Jacksons – Destiny b/w Blame It On the Boogie (Epic 12-6983) (1979)

MURRAY FOUND GUILTY OF MICHAEL JACKSON’S MANSLAUGHTER

Crowds Cheer As ‘King of Pop’ Comes Back To Life

(Los Angeles, CA) – Jubilent crowds gathered outside the Los Angeles Court of Criminal Justice cheered wildly as L.A. district attorney Jason Bexley announced that a criminal jury had found Dr. Conrad Murray guilty of the involuntary manslaughter of singer Michael Jackson. At the same time, Jackson himself emerged from Holly Terrace at Forest Lawn Memorial Park’s Great Mausoleum, alive and well, to announce the resumption of his “This Is It” series of concerts which had been postponed due to the self-styled King of Pop’s death.

On her way out of Monday’s court hearing where Murray received his guilty verdict, Jackson’s sister LaToya told the crowd of media and fans, ”Justice has been done, which has brought Michael back to life and made everything alright.”

Fans have been alternately elated at Jackson’s return from the grave and calling for revenge to be meted out to Dr. Murray.

“I’m so glad Dr. Murray has been found guilty of killing our beloved Michael,” said one fan who’d travelled all the way from Columbus, Ohio to keep vigil outside the Los Angeles courtroom during the trial. “I hope he gets the f*cking chair.”

“I’ve already got tickets for MJ’s London O2 Arena shows,” he added.

The singer called for fans and media “to respect my privacy and that of my family at this exciting time of my post-post death.”

[NB: Jacksons 12" bought in Sandwich, Kent chaz for a quid--excellent long version of "Boogie"]