Love For Lydia (DJF 20514) (1977)

Not for me the ultra-bright, arched-back, erected nipple sexiness of Farrah Fawcett-Majors; no, in the late 1970s, my televisual crush was on Mel Martin, titular star of London Weekend Television’s Love For Lydia by H.E. Bates.  As the tragic, wilful heroine, Martin was able to inspire the hopeless sort of longing destined to end in wistful bitterness. So smitten was I that I allowed her to pull the same trick a decade or so later in the TV adaptation of Len Deighton’s Game, Set, Match trilogy and I keenly felt Ian Holm’s betrayal at her hands. Yet despite such a similar and strong emotional reaction, I didn’t realise it was one and the same actress till researching the present record.

The present record being flapper-style jazz played very straight, along with a few string-laden piano instrumentals, which I purchased this morning from the Lord Whiskey Cat Sanctuary Charity shop for a pound.

The Krankies Go To Hollywood

I couldn’t actually face buying this, but couldn’t resist taking a quick photo in the shop, just to prove that I hadn’t hallucinated it.

As I recall, the funniest thing about The Krankies was that, off-stage, ‘Wee Jimmy’ and ‘his’ ‘dad’ Ian were secretly fucking each other. Now, how many other British comedy double acts can make that claim? Creepy stuff!

Television’s Greatest Hits (TVT 1100) (1985)

Absolute nostalgia-fest (for Americans of a certain age anyway) of theme tunes from TV’s supposed “Golden Age” with the four sides helpfully arranged by genre: Children’s shows; sitcoms; sci-fi and westerns; action/cop shows. Cutely, it ends with the American national anthem, which used to conclude each broadcasting day back in the bad ol’ days when you couldn’t watch QVC at 2 a.m.

So hyper-catchy and evocative are these precis-nuggets of musical sound bite that if they haven’t been sampled, they will be eventually. Though ostensibly original soundtrack music, I have to say that some of them sound like re-recordings to me. Could be wrong.

So now you know that the "Donna Reed Show" aired from 1958 to 1966

 

Don’t Panic

Yay! Been after this one for quite a while, actually. After the original Radio 4 series, but just before the BBC2 TV series, came this specially-recorded double-vinyl gatefold version of Douglas Adams’ brilliant Hitch-hikers Guide To The Galaxy, recorded July-August 1979 with music by Tim Souster and the Radiophonic Workshop’s Paddy Kingsland.

Sleeve design by Hipgnosis, featuring the same graphics as the Pan paperback edition from the same period, which I can still remember buying with my pocket money for 95p in the gift shop of a campsite in Charmouth in 1980 (and I still have the book – see above pic).

And yes, I know there’s a second volume, I already thrifted that one yonks ago.

Barbra Streisand And Other Musical Instruments

Further to the Macs’ comments, I would agree about including Barbra Streisand on the most seen list, but that I would add her post-1980 records as well.

Yesterday, however, was the first time I’d ever seen this gem in a thrift store;  maybe because I’ve actually been looking for since Mojo rated it one of the “50 Most Out There Albums of All Time… that will fry your brain”*.  The repetoire itself is typical crooner fare (“I Got Rhythm”,  ”Second Hand Rose”) from Streisand’s titular 1973 TV spectacular, the out there bit comes from both the arrangements which feature not only all manner of outernational instrumentation but, on the finale, all manner of what can best be described as kitchenalia and Babs herself who sings one song literally dangling from a rope and another talking to herself through delay pedals.  Even the liner notes use words like purlieus and hoodwinking and garbed.

As mentioned previously, I’m unable to describe the music at present, but I will report back when the situation has been resolved (it turns out I need the whole new cartridge–feck!).

*The Find It footer at the bottom of Mojo’s BSAOMI blurb says the records is available on “Columbia CD (and charity shops everywhere)”.

TV OD

As part of my ongoing mission to collect every dire TV theme record ever made in the 1970s, I present another three examples…

Mr. T – Mr. T’s Commandments (CBS) (1984)

I think it’s fair to say that I’m less enamoured of kitsch than my fellow Thrifty Vinylese.  However, there are times when my head is turned by “apparently artistic operation[s] which make up for a lack of creative force by stimulating the imagination through particular ingredients [including the] erotic, political, religious [and], sentimental,” as Gillo Dorfles would have it.

I wish I could say that the one-time Laurence Tureaud’s rap foray into self-aggrandisment, fool pitying and didactic positivity lived up to the promise of its creepy cover and was laughably bad. Alas, while T’s familiar gruff flow is predictably poor, the album itself had enough money spent on it (this was CBS, after all) to make it merely mediocre, boring and mainstream sounding.  Not that I would say that to his face.

Fonzie Favorites (Warwick WW5037)

Sit On It!

Held Upright As If By Some Kind of Magic

Ayyyy!

They used to have this record on display at Used Kids Records in Columbus, Ohio so when I saw it at the Delmelza House in Hythe for but a pound I was moved to pick it up.  Note the stand mechanism allowing the limey Happy Days fan to prop up her favourite telly star on the bed stand and dream of what could be.

What was once 50s nostalgia is now 70s nostalgia.  It’s so confusing.

The bulk of the album features a canny selection of rock ‘n’ roll oldies by medium-to-big stars like the Platters, Carl Perkins, the Everly Brothers, Little Richard, as well as the actual Happy Days theme song.   But the real draw for the Kitsch-iste is the pathetic “Fonz Song” by the Heyettes [Jesus, I can't believe I just wrote that] and the “‘impressionist’ track containing the expressions Aaaaay, Cool, Nerd, Sit on It!” allowing the owner to “Listen & learn to use Fonzie’s favorite phrases perfectly.”

It’s weird. This is apparently a fully licenced arrangement with images from the Paramount show, yet Henry “Fonzie” Winkler did not do the voice-over and the “impressionist” sounds nothing like the Fonz.  Further, the Fonz’s catchphrases are buried under  a Happy Days theme song loop which last less than a minute.

Truly, it vies for the stupidist record ever made.

The Greatest Adventure Yet From Captain Kremmen

Back in 1980, when this record was released, I probably thought Kenny Everett was the funniest, most anarchic, irreverent, saucy, outrageous, cutting-edge comedian working in mainstream entertainment. But what did I know? I was only 11 years old!

But still, I have fond memories of the Kenny Everett Video Show, from whence the Captain Kremmen character, along with his sidekicks Lady Carla and Doktor Heinrich Von Gitfinger, were born, as an animated feature. This is a Wireless Workshop production, featuring lots of electronic special effects, but Everett remains the star of the show, providing all the voices for the various characters. It still has a few moments worth a chuckle, but clearly humour could be a lot different back then. Here’s a typical ‘gag’ from the record…

CARLA: Captain!! I’ve just been graped!!

KREMMEN: Don’t you mean raped?

CARLA: No, there was a whole bunch of ‘em!

The storyline for this futuristic sci-fi romp was set in the year 2009, which makes me feel even older than I already did…

The World At War

I used to watch this Thames Television series every week with my dad, during those war-obsessed years of the 1970s. This was serious television, and I still watch the repeats occasionally.

This vinyl spin-off features Carl Davis’ powerful theme, along with several of his incidental scores, plus a selection of contemporaneous songs from the era by the likes of Vera Lynn, although as the sleeve notes admit, most of the songs actually sung by the troops were simply “too obscene, too irreverent, too vulgar. These songs live on only in old soldiers’ memories”.

Great stuff, but I’m feeling the absence of Sir Laurence Olivier – his arresting, portentous narrative delivery was a big part of the series and it would’ve been nice to hear a few excerpts on the record.