“Mr. Hayes?” Jerry Goldberg poked his head in his boss’s office/composition room to deliver some good news. “Joel Freeman sent a letter confirming your involvement in the soundtrack of his new film about a black private detective called Phallus.”
“Excellent,” Isaac burred. “Does he give any specs?”
“A few. Shall I read them?”
“Well, Joel says here he wants it to sound like fairly smooth soul music, nothing too syncopated, with a few Bacharach moves. You will want to use strings and wide-ranging musical colorations on some tracks to presage the disco movement by half a decade.”
“I can do that.”
“He also says he wants it to sound nothing like your brilliant southern soul work for Sam & Dave, et al.”
“Finally, he’s included lyrics for the ‘Theme from Phallus’ which he’d like you to tidy up as you see fit.”
As he spoke, Jerry handed a sheet of paper to Isaac.
This is what it read:
Who’s the African-American private investigator
That’s physically attractive to a variety of women?
You’re darn tootin’
Who is the man
That would demonstrate bravery for other African-Americans?
Are you understanding what I’m saying?
Who’s the gentleman that isn’t afraid
Of any impending disaster?
That’s exactly right.
Understand, Phallus is a d-amned–
(Reconsider that phrase)
But I’m discussing Phallus
(Then we can understand what you’re saying)
He’s a multi-faceted character
But no one understands him other than his good-lady wife
After he finished reading, Isaac set the paper down on his desk, leaned back in his chair and said, “Needs work.”
“But I do like the Greek-inspired, stereotype-fullfilling name,” he added brightly.
Editor: In what must surely be the greatest twist of logic ever to grace Thrifty V, I include the above Lp on the grounds that I exchanged it (and others, more of which later) at the used records stall in the Hythe Malt House for albums I’ve thrifted (including some featured here).