Dear “Insane In the Brain”, Are there any relaxation techniques you can recommend for someone having real trouble sleeping? Signed, Sleepless in Westerville, Ohio.
Dear Sleepless, Get with the ultraviolet dream.
Dear “Insane In the Brain”, What should I prepare for dinner tonight? Yours, Hungry, Hungry Zeppo, Newark, Ohio.
Dear Hungry, Toss that ham in the fryin’ pan.
Dear “Insane In the Brain”, I’m directing a local Am-Dram theater production of Guys and Dolls, how can you help me liven up the scenery? Sincerely, Alfred Hatchplot, Mount Vernon, Ohio.
Dear Alfred, I got ta get my props.
Dear “Insane In the Brain”, I’ve just totalled my third car in just over two years and my insurance premiums are through the roof. What can I tell my insurance broker? Yours, Al Unser the Third, Columbus, Ohio.
Dear Al, Don’t make me wreck shit.
Dear “Insane In the Brain”, Since graduating from High School I’ve committed numerous acts of petty theft and vandalism. Everybody in the city is aware of my behavior and, basically, my name is mud in Hilliard; what should I do?
Thanking you in advance, The Oddfather, Hilliard, Ohio.
Dear Odd, Head underground to the next town.
Dear “Insane In the Brain”, My optometrist says I need glasses, but they’re expensive and make me look like a geek. What can I do instead? Signed, Blinky, Fredricktown, Ohio.
Dear Blinky, Look, but don’t make your eyes strain.
Dear “Insane In the Brain”, The computer in our family room keeps freezing when I go on certain retail clothing websites. Any idea what could be causing this or better yet, what might fix it? Yours Faithfully, E. Shopper, Columbus, Ohio.
Dear E, Rip dat main frame.
Dear “Insane In the Brain”, My wife and I are hosting a post-Christmas get-together to celebrate our 30th anniversary with a few friends. We don’t want a big blowout, just a casual evening. What would set the mood off right?
From, The Party People, Granville, Ohio.
Dear Party, Hit that bong and break ya off somethin’ soon.
Confidential to Mid-Life Crisis in Newark, Ohio: That’s why I don’t fuck with the big four, oh.
Ask An “Insane In the Brain” 12″ Single is a weekly advice column hosted by Thrifty Vinyl. If you do your shit undercover, believe in the unseen or simply feel like Son of Sam, you may wish to seek guidance from an “Insane In the Brain” 12″ single c/o this website.