The Clash – “London Calling” b/w “Armagideon Time” (12-8087) (1979)

London CallingGOD REVEALS MYSTERIES OF HEAVEN’S RECORD COLLECTION 

(Heaven) — “There’s no Heavenly host of Angels singing praises in My name, that’s for damn sure,” a relaxed and smiling God revealed exclusively to Thrifty Vinyl today when asked about the music on Heaven’s stereo. “Basically, wherever My head’s at is what gets played. Right now, it’s mostly funk, soul and jazz, but, you know, I always seem come back to the Beatles.”

The King of Kings went on to say that He’d been through many musical phases over the years, including Bossa Nova, Old Time Folk, Reggae, Krautrock, not to mention a decade-late flirtation with Golden Age Hip Hop. Though even for such an open-minded and eclectic collector, there are some types of music the Lord won’t abide, arguing, for instance, that He “couldn’t get [His] head around Opera” and that modern Musicals are “just way too contrived for My tastes.”

Of His listening habits, the One True God explained, “I like to immerse Myself in certain genres, like reggae, or particular groups, like the Byrds, and, especially, individual albums. One time, I played Infidels by Bob Dylan once a night for like a year. Boy did that ever get on [Archangel] Michael’s tits!”

“Same for the Robert Johnson King of the Delta Blues Lps on Columbia. I had both volumes on two sides of a TDK SA-90 and I used to play one side of it every night when I went to bed. The next night, I’d just flip the tape over and listen to the other side and so on. For a year, I shit you not.” While the Lord allows archangels, angels, cherubim and seraphim  to make requests, He tends to play what He wants to play. “I am a bit of a stereo Nazi that way,” the Creator joked.

One un-named Angel told us, “He gets on these kicks and plays nothing but, I don’t know, The Magical World of the Strands all day, which is fine if you like it, but I prefer classical music and that never gets a look in, except sometimes on Sunday mornings if He plays Radio 3.”

“The worst was His Dubstep stage,” claimed another Angel, also speaking anonymously. “This was like in 2005 or whatever and I mean absolutely no-else in Heaven was into it and He was like, ‘Ah, you’ll come around.’ I think maybe some of the younger angels did, but really, who wants to hear Kode9 and Spaceape’s ‘Backward’ at lunch time everyday for month, because that’s exactly what He did.”

However, most of Heaven’s other occupants we spoke with were happy to let the Lord of Lords “play selecta” saying He’s generally considerate about the volume and late nights and will usually back off if one of the Angels has a headache or something.

God said with high-end re-issue labels like Numero, Light In the Attic and Jazzman unearthing rare and previously unheard music, there’s never been a better time to be a popular music consumer. “Of course, not all of it’s great, I mean, sometimes stuff’s unreleased for a reason, you know. But, as a result [of re-issues], I’ve heard loads of obscure-ass shit that people never even knew about back in the day.”

Our Heavenly Father claims to own over 3,000 Lps, 2,000 CDs and at least as many 7″ singles, “not counting a few hundred bespoke cassettes–designs on the spines and everything!” And since adding a Spotify facility to His stereo, the Almighty can stream anything that comes into His mind. “Talk about omnipotent!” He laughed.

Yet, when it comes to the music delivery system, God is still unapologetically Old School: “Even though, yes, it’s all about the music, I still prefer hard copy. It keeps the listening experience fully engaging which I think gets lost when the music is transmitted digitally.”

At this point, the interview began to wind down and the all-powerful deity started to reminisce. “I was well into punk around the turn of the 80s,” He recalled. “I still have all My punk singles, which I pull out every so often, though the only thing I listen to with any regularity from that era is the Clash. I’ve got a wicked ‘London Calling” twelve with the full-length ‘Armagideon Time’ on the back that sounds as good as it did then.”

Before we leave, I had to ask, would there be anything on the celestial playlist to surprise Thrifty Vinyl readers? “AC/DC Back In Black,” shot back the Alpha and Omega quickly. “Straight up, I love that record. I know, ‘Hell’s Bells’ and ‘Highway To Hell’ and all that, but it just kicks so much ass.”

Armagideon Time

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Published in: on February 2, 2013 at 7:10 pm  Comments (2)  

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2 CommentsLeave a comment

  1. You’ll have to interview Satan next time – i bet he’s got a kick ass record collection.

  2. No, it’s all downloads there.


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