The Velvet Underground & Nico (V6-5008) (1967)

SAM_0123CORONERS UNSURE IF LOU REED ACTUALLY DEAD Cadaverous Appearance, Mute Grimace Unchanged Over Last Decade, Making It Hard To Tell

(New York City) – New York City Coroners are still running tests to determine whether initial reports of Lou Reed’s demise are correct. Early indications suggested that the legendary Velvet Underground singer-songwriter was merely in a funk of some sort as he stared  stonily at friends during a luncheon at his Blairstown, New Jersey home yesterday. However, forensic scientists say this may have been evidence of early onset death.

Reed remained mute throughout the party, which at least one guest attributed to his wife’s fawning allusion to the host’s groundbreaking band. “Lou’s easily pissed off and doesn’t appreciate someone trying to blow smoke up his ass,” recalled neighbour Max Unger. “So when Carole [Unger] said something about the Velvet’s first Lp capturing the zeitgeist of 60s bohemian New York much better than Midnight Cowboy, and Lou just sat there, I assumed he was just, you know, being crotchety, but it’s possible he was dead.”

Confusion has also arisen due to Reed’s pale, drawn appearance of late. “He’s been looking especially careworn and cadaverous during the past ten years,” a spokesman for New York’s Chief Medical Examiner reported. “So it’s not unthinkable that Mr. Reed has been deceased since the early 2000s.”

Others have refused to speculate on the notoriously difficult interviewee’s hold on life until Reed’s next album: “I’m content to wait until Lou releases some new music before deciding whether he’s dead or not,” said one New York fan this morning. “If it’s just, like, complete silence, then I think a case can be made for his passing on.”

Adding, “Of course, even that could be a Metal Machine Music-style art prank.”



SAM_0124Editor’s Note: The above copy of VU’s first album was given to me by my Aunt Kerry who bought it when it came out; cool or what?SAM_0126

Published in: on October 27, 2013 at 10:08 pm  Comments (4)  

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4 CommentsLeave a comment

  1. Don’t know if I should laugh or cry!–Bill

  2. I feel the same–and so chose the laughter.

  3. just four words for this bunch: emperor’s new clothes music!

    i went to see siouxsie and the banshees live in 1978, and nico was one of the support acts billed. however, she cried off at the last minute (presumably because she’d either had too much smack that day or not enough) and a completely unknown band had to travel down from leeds to the south coast to take her place… they were the gang of four, and (in my opinion) not only were they probably miles better than she would have been, they also upstaged the headliners!

  4. Couldn’t disagree more re: VU. Favorite American band along with the Byrds and all four Lps are brilliant in different ways. Couldn’t agree more about GO4, though, at least as far as Entertainment! (the album) is concerned; must be one of my Top 100.

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