Sex Pistols – “The Biggest Blow (A Punk Prayer by Ronald Biggs)” b/w Sid Vicious – “My Way” (ZS-12-190) (1978)

SAM_0225CHARITY SHOPS REPORT INEXPLICABLE INUNDATION OF LOSTPROPHETS CDS

(London, England) — Compact discs by the Welsh band Lostprophets have been inexplicably inundating UK charity shops in their tens of thousands over the past month, with albums and CD singles issued by the popular hard rock group literally clogging the racks at thrift stores across Great Britain for some unknown, perhaps ultimately unknowable, reasons.

Yesterday, one regional charity director expressed concern about “the very real possibility that, at this rate, all 3.5 million albums and several hundred thousand singles sold by [the band] world-wide will soon find their way into non-profit retail outlets selling second-hand goods.”

Under normal circumstances, charity shops, used to 40 year-old tat by the likes of Jim Reeves, Eddie Arnold and Johnny Mathis or mucky early 70s Top Of the Pops and MFP compilations would welcome such a boon of major label, edgy, modern music, but many have actually begun refusing to handle any more Lostprophets discs. “I would ask all those planning to get shot of their Start Something or Thefakesoundofprogress CDs to reconsider,” announced Demelza House’s Kent regional manager Kelvin Sinclair at a hastily arranged press conference yesterday. Standing next to a 1m x 6m x 1m stack of donated “Rooftops (A Liberation Broadcast)” CD singles to illustrate his point, Sinclair reminded people, “You obviously used to like the multiple Kerrang and NME award-winning band; at this time, I would urge you to hold on to your Lostprophets CDs and you might find you come around to them again.”

“I can’t explain it,” said Edna Dunn, a volunteer at the Edinburgh branch of Oxfam. “It’s as if, somehow, everyone got a Lostprophets CD for Christmas they already had and decided to donate it.”

“Or maybe it’s because they recently broke up,” she wondered aloud.

Another volunteer, Mary O’Brien from York’s Save the Children charity, pointed not just to the sheer volume of product from the “South Wales Scene” proponents but the extremely poor condition of the items when they arrive: “Many of [the discs] have been severely marked up or had their covers vandalised in fairly shocking fashion with swear words and the lead singer’s eyes scratched out–it’s almost as if it’s been done deliberately.”

However odd this seemingly organised charity shop deluge may seem, it is not entirely unprecedented. “I haven’t seen such an influx of a single artist’s music since 1998,” remarked Bristol Age Concern clerk Margery Smitts, “when all them Gary Glitter Lps came flooding in.”SAM_0226RIP Ronnie Biggs.

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Published in: on December 31, 2013 at 9:52 am  Leave a Comment  

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